Thesauros Literature satire Βίων Πρᾶσις

Βίων Πρᾶσις

Βίων Πρᾶσις Lucian of Samosata
1 Now get those benches straight there, and make the place fit to be seen. Bring up the lots, one of you, and put them in line. Give them a rub up first, though; we must have them looking their best, to attract bidders. Hermes, you can declare the sale-room open, and a welcome to all comers.—For Sale! A varied assortment of Live Creeds. Tenets of every description—Cash on delivery; or credit allowed on suitable security.
1 Here they come, swarming in. No time to lose; we must not keep them waiting.
1 Well, let us begin.
2 What are we to put up first?
2 The Ionic fellow, with the long hair. He seems a showy piece of goods.
2 Step up, Pythagoreanism, and show yourself.
2 Go ahead.
2 Now here is a creed of the first water. Who bids for this handsome article? What gentleman says Superhumanity? Harmony of the Universe! Transmigration of souls! Who bids? First Dealer. He looks all right. And what can he do?
2 Magic, music, arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, jugglery. Prophecy in all its branches,
2 Can I ask him some questions?
2 Ask away, and welcome.
3 Where do you come from?
3 Samos.
3 Where did you get your schooling?
3 From the sophists in Egypt.
3 If I buy you, what will you teach me?
3 Nothing. I will remind you.
3 Remind me?
3 But first I shall have to cleanse your soul of its filth.
3 Well, suppose the cleansing process complete. How is the reminding done?
3 We shall begin with a long course of silent contemplation. Not a word to be spoken for five years.
3 You would have been just the creed for Croesus’s son! But I have a tongue in my head; I have no ambition to be a statue. And after the five years’ silence?
3 You will study music and geometry.
3 A charming recipe!’ The way to be wise: learn the guitar.
4 Next you will learn to count.
4 I can do that already.
4 Let me hear you.
4 One, two, three, four,—
4 There you are, you see. Four (as you call it) is ten. Four the perfect triangle. Four the oath of our school.
4 Now by Four, most potent Four!—higher and holier mysteries than these I never heard.
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