Book 20
1
In Pluto’s name, Aeacus, show me all the sights of Hades,
1
That would be rather an undertaking, Menippus. However, you shall see the principal things. Cerberus here you know already, and the ferryman who brought you over. And you saw the Styx on your way, and Pyriphlegethon.
1
Yes, and you are the gate-keeper; I know all that; and I have seen the King and the Furies. But show me the men of ancient days, especially the celebrities.
1
This is Agamemnon; this is Achilles; near him, Idomeneus; next comes Odysseus; then Ajax, Diomede, and all the great Greeks.
2
Why, Homer, Homer, what is this? All your great heroes flung down upon the earth, shapeless, undistinguishable; mere meaningless dust; ‘strengthless heads,’ and no mistake.—Who is this one, Aeacus?
2
That is Cyrus; and here is Croesus; beyond him Sardanapalus, and beyond him again Midas, And yonder is Xerxes.
2
Ha! and it was before this creature that Greece trembled? this is our yoker of Hellesponts, our designer of Athoscanals?—Croesus too! a sad spectacle! As to Sardanapalus, I will lend him a box on the ear, with your permission.
2
And crack his skull, poor dear! Certainly not.
2
Then I must content myself with spitting in his ladyship’s face.
3
Would you like to see the philosophers?
3
I should like it of all things.
3
First comes Pythagoras.
3
Good-day, Euphorbus, alias Apollo, alias what you will.
3
Good-day, Menippus.
3
What, no golden thigh nowadays?
3
Why, no. I wonder if there is anything to eat in that wallet of yours?
3
Beans, friend; you don’t like beans,
3
Try me. My principles have changed with my quarters. I find that down here our parents’ heads are in no way connected with beans.
4
Here is Solon, the son of Execestides, and there is Thales, By them are Pittacus, and the rest of the sages, seven in all, as you see,
4
The only resigned and cheerful countenances yet. Who is the one covered with ashes, like a loaf baked in the embers? He is all over blisters,
4
That is Empedocles, He was half-roasted when he got here from Etna.
